Why is rapport crucial for leaders?

RAPPORT: relation; connection- especially relation marked by harmony.

A good leader builds connections and motivates people, that´s what sets him apart from a mere manager. Getting into rapport is the very first step for all of this. All other skills and leadership techniques do not work or are much weaker without the presence of good rapport. 

This state of “being in sync” occurs naturally between people who like each other or are similar to one another. But what about the people whom we don´t immediately fall in love with, people different from us in one way or another? Is building a connection with them impossible?

Throughout history, leaders often gained their biggest learning with help from unlikely sources – people who are “nothing like them”. However how often does one consciously seek to “consult unlikely sources” for advice or information?

When our well-honed skills and strategies bring us success, we tend to celebrate them and get firmly set in our ways. We learn that “how we do things” works well, we build our box and fill it with tools, techniques and behaviours.

In business and life, however, it is not wise to “get stuck in our box”, often what we need to keep moving forth are fresh perspectives. To “seek outside the box” is necessary to find creative solutions, which can´t be found “within the box”.  And wouldn´t you agree that the life of a leader requires being able to come up with creative solutions on daily basis?

What better way is there for getting “out of our box” than to build connections with people who aren´t like us? People with different experiences, different backgrounds and different ways of looking at life.

Some techniques and skills can help us build rapport almost instantly, but it´s important to keep in mind people are naturally good at sniffing out insincere leaders. If you are about to try building rapport for phoney reasons, it’s more than likely the other side will detect this (at least unconsciously) and the strength of rapport will suffer significantly. We may even go as far as to say, that a feeling of genuine curiosity about the other person and an honest wish to build a connection is the basis for good rapport.

Nowadays, the workplace is filled with daily challenges, unique to our industries, and it´s no longer only management responding to them. We need our ground floor teams to adequately respond and come up with creative solutions as opposed to mindlessly repeating pre-set tasks. Motivated people are far more likely to do this well, increasing chances for success. Establishing a state of rapport is an essential first step to effectively engaging and motivating individuals and teams.  

Let´s however not confuse rapport for agreement; we can agree but not have rapport and the other way around. Rapport also isn´t sympathy, rapport doesn’t need us to sympathize with the other person but rather to empathize. We can be in rapport with people we disagree with on a deep personal level and at the same time, rapport can be lacking sometimes in people who have sympathy for one another. 

So how can we support the building of rapport?  

• Admit to yourself you “don´t and can´t ever know everything about everything”: approaching people from this mindset allows you to remain humble and genuinely curious about the other person, their expertise, experience and all the things they “bring to the table”.

• Smile: positive face invites connections.

• Ask: take 2-3 minutes to chat with your people about topics unrelated to work. Ask open-ended questions about their likes, dislikes, needs and desires to open a dialogue. This practice shows you pay attention to them and take them for more than just an “employee who works”.

• Listen: good listeners connect instantly.  Listening with the goal of understanding, not replying takes practice but it certainly pays off.  A good start for this practice is to try to fully focus on the person and their words and take 2-3 seconds to think before you reply.

• Paraphrase, repeat & ask if you got it right: not only does this allow you to make sure you understood the other person correctly, it also proves you are truly listening and curious about their point of view.  

• Empathize: empathy is about the willingness to look at things from a different angle and recognise emotions. Remember, empathy can happen without sympathy, it is not about agreeing with someone, it´s about „walking a mile in their shoes“.  

• Get in sync: synchronize with people by discreetly mirroring and matching their speech patterns, vocal behaviour, breath tempo, gestures and body language. Subtle mimicry is a form of flattery and drives instant rapport. Subtle being the keyword here 😊

What about you? What helps you get in rapport with others quickly?